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Self-Confidence 4-Part Video Series - Week 2: Humility (Humbleness) & Pride...

Humility (humbleness) and pride are important characteristics for a woman to have...learn how to use both at the appropriate times...



Negative Thoughts

Today’s topic is going to focus on negative thoughts and what they can do to our self-confidence.

I’m probably not going to say anything that you don’t already know, but what I am going to say that even the most self-confident women have days were they feel a little low.

We are flying high than BAM something happens and we find ourselves questioning or wondering if we are in over our heads.

We have all dealt with these feelings but we can’t let ourselves be consumed by them.

Negative thoughts can erode our self-esteem and that takes a bite out of our self-confidence. We call this personalizing…it’s when we see ourselves in a more negative form than we really are.

Here are a few examples of personalizing…

• Many times we see things as good or bad…black or white…nothing in between. In other words if I fail at this project than I am a failure; it is the all or nothing scenario.

• Another scenario is when we jump to negative conclusions. For instance, your new client hurries you off the telephone and you automatically think she has changed her mind about working with you.

• Or how about this one…your new guy friend breaks a date with you and you tell yourself that it’s okay because he was out of your league anyway. These self put-downs take you to places where you don’t want to go.

Here are some suggestions to get those negative thoughts out of your mind:

• There are gray areas where something is not always right or wrong. Remember that we all make mistakes and we all have failures. Learn from those mistakes and failures so that you don’t make the same ones over again and always look for the positive aspects you received during the process.

• As for negative conclusions…don’t make them. There could be a hundred reasons why your new client didn’t have time to talk, so creating your own negative conclusions is counterproductive and a huge energy waster.

• And self put-downs…these are the worst when it comes to sabotaging your self-confidence. Learn to feel good about you and everything you have to offer. If this guy broke a date with you…he may have a good reason and if he doesn’t…he doesn’t deserve your energy.

One final thing…the more energy you put toward the negative, the less energy you have to live in the positive.

Thanks for listening.

Self- Confidence 4-Part Video Series - Week 1: Negative Thoughts

Over the next four-weeks I will be sharing 4 topics about women and their self-confidence. This week I will be talking about Negative Thoughts...tune in for a short video about how to overcome those negative thoughts!

Impressions In A Childs Mind

I recently spent the week in Dallas, Texas attending the eWomenNetwork Conference and as always I come home with a million ideas and ways to improve and create business but this time I came home with two very deep messages and I want to share them with you here…

The first message came from a speaker named Hyrum Smith. If you know Hyrum, you know that he is one of the founders of the company Franklin Covey. He was such a great and inspirational speaker…and he had us in tears laughing as well.

However, one of his lessons resonated with me so deeply that I felt the need to share it with you. It has to do with the ‘Power of Perception.’ In his Power of Perception program he gives us his reality model and 6 steps to change our behavior. One of the components of his reality model is the Belief Window.

Listen to how he explains the Belief Window:

“You have what I like to call a belief window. It sits in front of your face. A wire comes from the back of your head across the top and hooks onto that window. Every time you move, it goes with you. You look out into the world through this window. You accept information from the world in through this window. On this window you have placed thousands of principles that you have accepted as correct principles.”

Hearing this information was like getting smacked in the face for me. I teach people how to open up their minds and learn to hear other people’s opinions and ideas so that they can communicate better.

There were so many instances where I could go back and apply this information to a person who had beliefs and/or principles that were “messed up!” But here I want to talk about children. And I want to talk about your kids specifically or any kids that you interact with on a daily basis…because when you apply this theory to kids behavior you will be amazed.

I want to start out with a few examples so that you can better understand how I am applying this information:

• ·      You have a female child who is 10-12 years old. She has a father who is very sports oriented and male dominant, and a mother who is meek and quiet. She watches her mother get put down by her father many times during her young years.

         What do you think her belief window tells her?

• ·      Okay what about this one…a male child who is 10-12 years old who has a very mild personality unlike his parents. He gets upset easily and his parents tease him about being sensitive.

          What do you think his belief window tells him?

Many times parents don’t think about how their communication can impact their children as they grow

up. Simple actions that parents make and state can become principles or beliefs in their children’s belief windows if they hear them or experience them often enough.

Many times children will pick up beliefs or principles from the parents behavior, and the parent might not even be aware of it. For instance, if a parent does not like to communicate about things that are uncomfortable, the child may pick up that same belief and they too may have trouble communicating when things become uncomfortable for them.

However, there are all kinds of great principles that children pick up from their parents behavior as well. Things like great character, great work ethics, and even how to respect people.

If there is anything I want to convey to you, it is those things that directly impact your children, like how you interact with them personally. You have a ball of clay in your hands as a parent. It is up to you to mold it, support it, and create a valuable part of our universe.

Just remember when you communicate with your child, think about the belief you are creating in their minds. When you are disciplining your child, make sure you don’t say things that can cause hurt and beliefs of fear or anger.

If you have grown children, think about their belief windows…how much of what they believe is based on your principles that you taught them growing up?

What's In Your Belief Window?

Hyrum Smith is a remarkable speaker and brings energy, enthusiasm, and humor to his message – ‘The Power of Perception.’ You probably know Hyrum as one of the creators of the Franklin Covey Day Planner and the co-founder of the Franklin Quest Company.

One of the great things about Hyrum’s message about perception, as he will tell you, is that his message is nothing new. “The basic principles that help a human being be more productive and effective have not changed for 6000 years.”  What he will tell you is different, is how to people perceive things a little differently than they did 6000 years ago.

Hyrum shared his reality model with us, which consisted of five pieces:

• Human Needs
• Belief Window
• Rules
• Behavior Patterns
• Results

Sharing information on each of these pieces would take up more time than we have today, but I want to focus on one specific piece because I think it is so unbelievably important. That piece is called your Belief Window. Our Belief Window holds our principles.

Where do you think your principles come from?

They start out with our parents and we learn them along the way. Hyrum tells us, “The number of principles you have on your Belief Window is a function of your age. The older you are, the more principles on your Belief Window.”  

What I found interesting about the Belief Window is how we determine if we have bad beliefs within the Belief Window. You see the reality model is pretty easy to understand…we have needs, which create our principles within our Belief Window. Based on those principles we create rules and from those rules we create behavior patterns…and from those patterns we get results.

Sometimes those results are not what we want. We keep making the same mistakes over and over until we understand that we have to change our Belief Window. Let me give you an example of one of my principles that I once had in my Belief Window. Many years ago I had a principle in my Belief Window that caused me a lot of pain. My principle was to keep everyone at an arms length…never let anyone in too close. If I let anyone get too close to me, they would see that I am not as perfect as people think I am. In maintaining that principle I caused myself, and those around me that loved me, great pain.

Remember if the result continues to cause you pain; you must change your Belief Window. I finally learned that in order to eliminate the pain I needed to change my perception about my relationships. Once I made a change my life became so much more enriched. I changed my needs as they pertained to how I needed people to perceive me. I no longer keep those people who love me out of my life. I am more authentic in my relationships and I allow them to see my strengths and weaknesses.

Sometimes we can’t see where the breakdown occurs…we continue to feel the pain but don’t know how to make the outcome change. Hyrum shares another example of how our Belief Windows can cause us pain:

If you are interested in learning more about how our Belief Windows affect our perceptions, read more about The Power of Perception.

Check out Hyrum Smith’s new company Mycore… a training and technology company whose mission is to help individuals and organizations identify their core values and turn those values into habits. www.mycore.com