Are You Leaning In?

So many women are finding their voices through Sheryl Sandberg's book, 'Lean In'...As a woman do you find it hard to communicate something you want in your career?

How often have you waited for someone to notice how good you are instead of speaking up?

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Past, Present & Future

“I never want to arrive…I love the ride.”
Coco J. Ginger

Do you live in the past, the present, or the future?

I know the question might be a little confusing, but think about it for a minute…do you put more emphasis on the things that have happened in your past, or do you live for only today? Or worse yet, do you live only for what will be and never enjoy those things that are happening to you now?

If you were to ask that question of me, I would have to say that I do all three. My past is important to me, it has made me what I am today, and today is important to me because living in the present moment allows me to enjoy those thing that are happening now and I don’t want to get to my future and have missed those things that truly bless my life. My future…well that is equally important because I want my future to be as wonderful as my past and present…so I have to plan for that.

Saving the Good Things from Our Pasts…

There are people out there who have horrible pasts and they don’t care to recall anything from their past. However, there are people out there who have good pasts and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. I am in the latter category…my childhood and my adult past life are moments in time that I would never give up. Where they all good? No of course not…Did I make mistakes? Of course I did…don’t we all?

The one thing that I learned from my past was the importance of family. My most vivid memory of my childhood was our Sunday’s. As kids, my brothers and I got up and got ready for Sunday school and church. We attended with our grandparents. After church we came back to my grandparents’ house, where our parents would meet us for Sunday dinner. We ate at our grandparent’s house on most Sundays and so did my Uncles and cousins. My grandmother always had a house full on Sundays for her home cooked food and ice cream made in the ole-fashion hand cranked churn.

I also remember being at my grandparents’ house during the summer when our parents worked. We helped in the garden, snapped beans under the big maple tree and chatted with my grandmother, ate ice cream, and played all day long. I have great memories…

Those memories were passed on to my kids as they were growing up. We taught our kids that family is important and should always be cherished.

Live for Today…You only Get One Shot…

Enjoy what happens to you today because tomorrow it will be gone. So many times people live in the past or the future and they neglect all the wonderful things that are happening around them today. It reminds me of that story that circulated through email so many years ago about the woman who saved a beautiful tablecloth for a special occasion that never came. She never got to enjoy using the tablecloth because there never seemed to be a special enough occasion to bring it out.

When she passed away her daughter found the tablecloth still wrapped and never used. She wondered why her mother never used the beautiful tablecloth for their Sunday dinners, or holiday dinners….her mom wanted so much to use her new tablecloth for a special occasion but she never felt that any of her occasions were special enough. However, her daughter thought of so many times that were special.

For many our minds live in the past or think of the future and we can’t see the present in front of us. Our minds become distracted and we miss those things that we can never get back. When I walked away from being President at the company I worked for and the 6-figure income…the stress of trying to find something new consumed me. My future was so heavy on my mind that I was missing all the wonderful new things that were happening around me. When I stopped obsessing about the future, my present slowly appeared in front of me and I realized what I was missing…

Look to the Future…

Daniel Goldstein shared in his November 2011 TED speech, “we make decisions that have good and bad consequences…” How true is this? The decisions we made in the past, and make in the present will have an effect on our future. So while we are remembering the past and living in the present…we still have to think about the future.

Future oriented individuals believe that tomorrow is more important than today…and while I admit that the future is extremely important…I think the past and the present are also important. “I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have only lived the length of it…I want to have lived the width of it as well…” Diane Ackerman

So learn how to balance the past, the present, and the future so you can enjoy all the aspects of your life.



How Well Do You Handle Criticism?

No one likes to be criticized no matter how open minded we think we are…right? When someone tells you that you are doing something wrong or that you should be doing it this way or that way, we tend to become defensive.

Gretchen Rubin from ‘The Happiness Project’ shared an article in Good Housekeeping this month that gave some great advice on ‘How to Handle Criticism.’ Her five suggestions were great advice to help us keep a positive attitude when dealing with criticism.

One of her suggestions is to “admit your mistakes.” Amen to that! As I get older I find that it has become easier to admit my mistakes, apologize for them and move on. I do agree with Gretchen, admitting mistakes helps build trust. I also think it helps build respect too. When people are secure enough with themselves to admit a mistake than I figure that I am secure enough with myself to accept their apology and let it go.

Gretchen shared some other great advice which you can find on the Good Housekeeping Website.

Studying communication has opened up my eyes and my mind to better ways to communicate. We communicate daily with our family, friends, work acquaintances, the barista at Starbucks who gives us our coffee, the man that helps us at the pharmacy…we communicate in so many ways that sometimes we don’t even realize it.

The one thing I have learned is that when people are criticized they immediately associate a negative judgment and or attitude. When that happens we lose sight of understanding the positive message that someone may be giving us. So here are some thoughts to consider the next time you feel like you are being criticized:

Take into consideration the person who is sharing the information.

For instance if your spouse shares information with you…are they really criticizing or are they sharing because they care? People in your life notice things all the time. Many will never say anything but on the occasion that they do…stop and listen. For instance, you feel like your Mom is criticizing how you raise your children, or your spouse thinks that you are too consumed with work.

While our first reaction is to defend our actions, instead step back without reacting and listen to what they have to say…are they just picking or do they really have some valid points. This is the time when you crank up your critical listening skills. Evaluate the appropriateness and importance of the information they are sharing. Remember the reason we use critical listening is to listen to other possible alternatives and make a choice.

 

The choice is still yours and how you use the information they are sharing with you is totally up to you. However, the one thing I want you to remember is that if criticism comes from someone you love and respect – you should pay attention.

If your spouse tells you that you are working too much…is there a reason why they feel this way? Are you working so much that your responsibilities at home are being put off, or does your spouse feel alone and missing you? While you may not be able to change your work hours, talking about the effects of long hours and how you can make changes to accommodate them will help your relationship and might help you feel less stressed in the long run.

Just looking at the way we react to an issue can help us be better communicators. Remember we all get off path and sometimes we need those that love us and care about us to gently remind us that we might be moving in the wrong direction. Listen, love, and make the right choice for you.