Communicating in Paris!

As many of you know I am in Paris for my honeymoon. Many months before our trip we bought a Rosetta Stone program to learn French. Between starting a new business and planning a wedding, learning French seemed to get pushed down lower and lower on my priority list.

As we boarded our flight I started to have some anxiety about my lack of being able to communicate or understand French. I soon became more at ease when we ate out and found that many of the restaurant menus were written in French with English below it. And while most of the Parisians speak enough English to get by...I still feel like we could communicate so much better if I knew French.

Communication is so important to me and yet, as important as it is to me I did not make it a priority to ensure that my French was sharp enough to eliminate even the most basic miscommunications. So my question to you is...what are you doing to ensure that your communication skills are sharp enough to communicate with others?

One thing I know is that the French seem to appreciate my goodwill in trying to learn their language. So don't you think that others will appreciate it when you attempt to communicate better with them?

So what can you do to better equip yourself with better communication skills? Let me share two during this post:

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Listen to what the other person is saying to you: In other words sometimes it’s better to listen more than talk. Many people try to dominate the conversation or worse cut you off before you can finish your thought. Don’t be one of those people. Listen to what the other person is saying and focus on their thoughts and the conversation.

When you are unsure of the person’s intent or conversation…ask questions so you are clear on what they are trying to share with you.

For instance, when we went to a little café here in Paris. We were a little apprehensive about reading the menu: this was our first time eating at a local restaurant that did not have English on the menu. Our waiter spoke English pretty well and told us if we had any questions to please ask him. He was gracious as we attempted to read the menu in French.

One of the specials for the day was a white fish…as he tried to describe it to me; he could not give me the American name of the fish. He couldn’t find the right word. So instead he described it by saying it was a white fish…a mix between a sole and cod. By listening to his description and his attempt to describe the taste of the fish I was able to understand the dish much more. By listening and paying attention to him I was more equipped to decide which dish I wanted to try.

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We all speak different languages, no matter where we are from: It’s true…even though I am in Paris and their language is French and mine is English that doesn’t mean that even if we spoke the same language we would be able to communicate properly. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who spoke the same language but they just didn’t communicate in the same way as you?
Most people have a preferred method of communication. At work for instance, do you notice how some of the women you work with want to hear all about your weekend before diving into work issues, while others just want to get right to work and skip all the social conversing? People create their own types of communication styles and you should be aware of what they are if you want to communicate in a way that is productive for both of you.

One thing I have learned in Paris is that when you don’t speak the same language, the most social interaction you can have is Bonjour or Merci…Saying hello and thank you is about the extent of it and I have to say that I don’t really care for that. I want to say “Bonjour, comment allez-vous aujourd'hui?” (Hello, how are you today?) While I can say that in French…when they start speaking French back to me…I am in trouble!

I am the type of person who wants to create some sort of relationship with you before I dive right in and start talking. Even when working with clients, it is important to me to know who you are and what your communication methods are so I know how to communicate with you.

As I spend my final days here in Paris I will continue to work on my French and the betterment of my communication skills…in the Parisian way of course!

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Negative Thoughts

Today’s topic is going to focus on negative thoughts and what they can do to our self-confidence.

I’m probably not going to say anything that you don’t already know, but what I am going to say that even the most self-confident women have days were they feel a little low.

We are flying high than BAM something happens and we find ourselves questioning or wondering if we are in over our heads.

We have all dealt with these feelings but we can’t let ourselves be consumed by them.

Negative thoughts can erode our self-esteem and that takes a bite out of our self-confidence. We call this personalizing…it’s when we see ourselves in a more negative form than we really are.

Here are a few examples of personalizing…

• Many times we see things as good or bad…black or white…nothing in between. In other words if I fail at this project than I am a failure; it is the all or nothing scenario.

• Another scenario is when we jump to negative conclusions. For instance, your new client hurries you off the telephone and you automatically think she has changed her mind about working with you.

• Or how about this one…your new guy friend breaks a date with you and you tell yourself that it’s okay because he was out of your league anyway. These self put-downs take you to places where you don’t want to go.

Here are some suggestions to get those negative thoughts out of your mind:

• There are gray areas where something is not always right or wrong. Remember that we all make mistakes and we all have failures. Learn from those mistakes and failures so that you don’t make the same ones over again and always look for the positive aspects you received during the process.

• As for negative conclusions…don’t make them. There could be a hundred reasons why your new client didn’t have time to talk, so creating your own negative conclusions is counterproductive and a huge energy waster.

• And self put-downs…these are the worst when it comes to sabotaging your self-confidence. Learn to feel good about you and everything you have to offer. If this guy broke a date with you…he may have a good reason and if he doesn’t…he doesn’t deserve your energy.

One final thing…the more energy you put toward the negative, the less energy you have to live in the positive.

Thanks for listening.

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